Growing up as a kid, everything seemed to come so easily. I would always be the first in sprints during youth football, score hat tricks every lacrosse game, had lots of friends, and schoolwork was a breeze. Unfortunately, childhood doesn’t last forever, and memories of the past create expectations for the future that are the thief of joy. I have always been a perfectionist when it comes to the classroom and sports. I would always get down on myself if I got a bad grade on a test or had a subpar game of lacrosse. Anything below a 90 was unacceptable, and if I didn’t score a goal in a game, I felt like a failure. It was these kinds of things that would really draw me away from my friends and cause feelings of depression. I’d spend too much time thinking about changing the past and not enough time focusing on the positives in life. When I began college and had to adjust to a new lifestyle, everything seemed to become amplified. School was tougher, sports were more competitive, and close friends were more challenging to make.
I really had to learn to adjust my expectations and admire the smaller successes I had been achieving. I may have gotten a B in my first semester and been disappointed in myself, but it’s still pretty dang good at my school, Georgia Tech. I began to really start catching my stride in my second semester freshman year. I earned a starting position on the lacrosse team, had a strong group of friends, was enjoying fraternity life, and breezed through my classes, receiving my first 4.0. When I’m doing well in life, I seem to always be motivated and have a great attitude, but I also use it as a new standard that ends up negatively affecting me for the future. Everything had to be as great as it was freshmen spring semester, or else I was taking a step back and failing myself. This kind of mindset is very destructive for me, and if you feel the same way about yourself, know that you’re not alone.
Everything seems to come in cycles. Periods of success followed by periods of perceived failure. When I was feeling down, even small inconveniences would get to me. Even seeing the success of others around me would get to me. The first step in really fixing my mindset is to recognize these periods of failure and understand that I am not giving myself enough credit for getting to where I am now in life. If it weren’t for all the little successes I’ve had in life, I wouldn’t be at Georgia Tech, I wouldn’t be playing lacrosse in college, and I wouldn’t have friends who are always here for me to talk to. I shouldn’t label myself as a failure. Scrolling through Twitter today, I saw a tweet that went along the lines of this: “If you had $86,400 in your bank account and had to give up $10, would you be upset only having $86,390 left? There are 86,400 seconds in a day, don’t let a 10 second inconvenience ruin the other 86,390.” This made me realize how significant I am letting these small things be. Being down about such insignificant things causes me to waste more of my mental capacity that could be better used towards productivity and passions.
I wanted to wrap up this letter by circling back to a quote paraphrased earlier. A YouTube video I watched today had a quote that said, “Expectations are the thief of joy.” Of course, the video was referring to a new smart watch that came out and not life, but I think this was directly applicable to a situation I was going through this past week. I had been looking for an internship for the summer but was not having any success. It was difficult seeing all of my friends landing opportunities while I was being left in the dust. Eventually, a company emailed me asking to call me for an opportunity. My expectations were extremely high, and I was excited to have a job for the summer. When I got the call, the position was for 6 months through the fall, away from school and my friends. I had gotten what I wanted, but it was hard to be happy for myself. I wouldn’t be able to spend time with my friends for our last fall semester, I’d miss a GT football season, and I would be pushing back my graduation, but I really needed the position for experience as I get closer to the end of my college career. Writing this letter was almost therapeutic. It really helped me evaluate this situation to see it as an overwhelming success and positive to my life, rather than something to drag me down as I compare myself to the past.
If you’re reading this, know that you don’t need to be a perfectionist. Give yourself some more credit for the successes you’ve achieved in life. Try to recognize when you’re feeling down on yourself, and focus on the future rather than comparing yourself to the past. Lower your expectations to preserve the joy of new opportunities and experiences. It’s not easy for anyone to deal with mental health, but it has been unbelievably beneficial for me to jot my thoughts down and self-diagnose the roots of my problems. I know that there are many people like myself including most of my friends. Just know that you are not alone.
Devin R., Georgia Tech ‘22
AUTHOR CONTACT
This author has opted to allow readers who resonate with their story to contact them. If you would like to speak to the author of this letter about their experience, please use the form below.
