I’ve put off writing this letter for quite a while now. I tell myself it is because I am busy with school as I near graduation, but in all honesty, it is mostly out of pure anxiety – the very thing that I’m writing about.
I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression towards the end of high school, even though I knew that I struggled with mental illness years before. For many people, it is difficult to come to terms with having a mental illness, as it can seem daunting to face something that doesn’t have a quick and easy fix. It took me so long to get professional help simply because I was afraid of what other people would think or that someone wouldn’t believe me. That was the anxiety talking, even though I may not have realized it then. I wish I could tell you exactly how to get over that fear, whatever it may be, and to reach out to the people around you for help. I got help because I reached a breaking point. My desperation to feel happy again finally trumped my anxiety, and I had to ask for help.
While I don’t have the secret to asking for help, I can speak to my experiences in hope that they might resonate with or inspire someone else.
First, I think it is important to note that it is perfectly fine not to be the fun friend and that you do not need to put on a smile for anyone. We are taught that in order to attract friends, we need to be positive and happy so that they want to spend time with us, and reflecting back, I think that is one of the most damaging pieces of “advice” for anyone struggling with mental illness. In a way, it’s not necessarily wrong. You are probably more likely to have a larger friend group if you give people what they want. This is not to say that you shouldn’t want to make other people feel good. The problem arises when this feeds into your own mental illness. That is when it is most important to let your own feelings be heard and validated.
It’s also easy to let people take advantage of your anxiety – even without meaning to – in order to get what they want, and it’s hard to learn to advocate for yourself. At the beginning of college, I found myself too anxious to speak up when someone offended me because I was worried that they might not like me anymore. The desire to appear as if I had friends was so enticing that I ignored the damage that it was doing to my mental state. I didn’t even acknowledge this damage until it was so deep that I reached another breaking point. Standing up for myself was terrifying, but walking away from the people who had driven me to such a dark place was the best decision that I have made in the past four years. My advice is to really look at the people you are surrounding yourself with and figure out how they are really making you feel. If someone doesn’t make you feel good about yourself, if someone doesn’t accept you or you have to change yourself to fit in, it isn’t worth it, because it is better to have one friend who has your back than a million who talk behind it.
With that said, people nowadays are understanding, more often than not. For those of us struggling with mental illness, it is important to remember that there are other people who share these struggles, and there is always someone who you can talk to, even if you don’t know it yet. No matter where you are in your journey, know that you’re not alone. Surround yourself with happiness, wherever you find it, and don’t let anyone take it away from you.
Lexi B. (she/her), Georgia Tech ‘22
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