If you’re reading this, it’s okay to ask for help.
Going into freshman year of college I didn’t really know anyone besides my roommate, and we had only met once in person. I knew of people from my town, social media, or camp, but no one I truly felt comfortable with. After multiple failed attempts at making friends and branching out, I was mentally left in a bad place. This overwhelming state of anxiety made me wonder if I chose the right school for me or if I would ever be able to find my people here.
I felt lost in a sea of very similar people to me. I was comparing myself to others to see why they were so special and I wasn’t. Why did certain people not want to be friends with me or even try to make an effort? How come other people were so good at making conversations and being outgoing during this new adventure in life?
This transition to college hit me pretty hard. My whole life I have had a good support system in my family and friends and didn’t struggle that much socially. My school had over 500 kids just in my grade, so there were always new people to meet and connect with. It is so easy to get lost and feel like you don’t belong at such a large school like Michigan. I often deal with my problems myself out of fear that people just won’t care or be willing to help.
I’ve convinced myself over the years that I am a very independent person who doesn’t need to rely on anyone. I can do things on my own and don’t need to show my emotions at all. Out of fear of people seeing my vulnerability or weaknesses, it’s easier to isolate myself and not have to deal with the rejection of people letting me down. This type of thinking often leaves people never feeling fulfilled in life. If you never take chances or risks, you will be stuck in a constant cycle of averageness. Nothing will change unless you take a leap of faith and learn from your mistakes and failures.
The idea of being average scared me into realizing that I needed to change. My freshman year definitely was different from most, but I didn’t want that to define me. It was difficult to make friends because people congregated with who they were comfortable with. I knew I had to reach out for help because I had lost all hope that I was ever going to be happy at school.
I began by letting my family and friends know how I was feeling, and I even went to see a therapist. I was a little nervous about doing this because of the stigma around mental health. However, once I started sessions, I saw a complete difference in my feelings and how I was approaching the transition to college. I was putting too much pressure on myself to find my lifelong friends and have straight A’s all in the first few weeks of college. No one transitions this easily, and it’s not expected that you should be able to.
Knowing when to ask for help has become a huge part of my life. Instead of dealing with my problems alone, I have people to turn to who are willing to help. Once I started being more open with myself and others, I realized that many people shared similar anxieties and struggles as me. I tried not to get too overwhelmed with making friends and see who I could connect with and where it went. I’ve learned that everyone has something going on in their life that you don’t know about. You may think you are the only one struggling, but I promise that you are not. It is important to lean on the people who do care about you focus on the good things in life.
If you’re reading this, you are not alone.
Lexi S., University of Michigan Class of 2024
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