If you’re reading this, thank you for accepting me for who I am.
I came to the University of Michigan as an anxious, insecure young person with no concept of self-identity or self-worth. Until August of 2020, I existed in a vacuum of pleasing others, conforming to a mold I did not fit into. Trying to be someone you aren’t is exhausting, especially when it feels like those around you don’t seem to care how hard you are trying. However, I’ve realized that the reason they don’t seem to care how hard I’m trying is that they don’t want me to try they want me to be me.
In high school, I didn’t fit in. I wasn’t ever bullied, and I had close friends for whom I have so much love, but I never had a sense of belonging. I was shy (which sometimes comes as a shock to people who know me now) because I lived in a constant state of insecurity about other people’s perceptions of me. I dreaded going to school every morning, floating through the hallways as an anonymous individual, trying my best to blend in, and volunteering in class only when I had something I was 100% sure was “worth sharing” (how insecure, right?). It’s an exhausting state of existence, that much I can tell you.
Many of these feelings came from deep-rooted anxiety and depression, leading me to believe I wasn’t someone worth loving or caring about. Yes, my high school environment was cliquey, but the majority of my detached feelings from high school are due to not having any confidence or self-love.
When the unthinkable happened and my senior year abruptly ended in March of 2020, my experience was different than most high school students. I began a journey of self-exploration. For the first time, I addressed my identity and who I wanted to be as an individual because I didn’t feel consumed by an omnipresent observation from my peers. I finally realized who I wanted to be and who I am as Phoebe, not who I am based on everyone’s perception of me.
Coming to Michigan has quite literally been a life-changing experience for me. I was able to surround myself with a community of people who love me for who I am. This was only possible because I realized that my public identity before college had nothing to do with my true self.
Learning to love me for who I am, from my semi-funny jokes to knowing that I get anxious easily in certain situations, has allowed me to genuinely and transparently grow close to people who already knew that about me and embraced me for it.
It’s a liberating feeling knowing that the people around you like you for yourself and recognizing that people who don’t like you for yourself aren’t the people who you are meant to be around. Confidence is a cycle. It comes from loving yourself, and when you radiate confidence, those around you are attracted to it, not because you’re trying to please them, but because you’re living in a state of existence for no one but yourself.
The journey of self-acceptance is a dynamic one. Sometimes I love who I am and am so proud to be myself. Other days I can’t stand myself. In those days, I remember that the only person I truly always have is myself and that what matters is that I love myself, quirks and all, and anyone worth being around will follow suit.
If you’re reading this, you are capable of self-love too.
Phoebe V., University of Michigan Class of 2024
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