If you’re reading this, you are lovable.
Throughout my childhood and adolescence, due to many different factors, I struggled with anxiety and stress. As a result, I constantly worried about so many things, including my self-worth.
There have definitely been times when my anxiety and insecurities were overwhelming. Whenever my stress surrounding these insecurities would build up, they would pour into every aspect of my life. They became so pervasive that I would suddenly see myself in the mirror differently. I wouldn’t be able to recognize myself. I criticized myself for almost everything I said or did and I constantly worried that people would reject me or even feel pity for me.
Rather than seeing myself for who I am, with my radiant personality traits, my wonderful relationships, my unique interests, and my goofy sense of humor, I would see all the things that made me feel embarrassed. I would only see my perceived flaws and mistakes. I wondered if I was “cool” enough, but looking back, I’m not even sure what I thought “cool” meant. When I interacted with people, I constantly wondered if people would criticize me and dislike me… because deep down, that was how I felt about myself.
For a while, I couldn’t figure out what was causing my anxiety and insecurities. Once I started opening up to my therapist, family, and friends, I learned that my low self-worth was snowballing into negative thoughts about so many aspects of my life. I have been very grateful for the love and support that I have received from supportive relationships throughout my entire life. No matter what has happened, or what I have thought of myself, I have always been lucky to have had people who love me endlessly. In addition to receiving validation from others, I know that I have always had the capacity within me for joy and self-love.
To combat these negative thoughts, one technique that I have learned is to start writing in my journal whenever I start to have negative views of myself. I randomly write down positive interactions I've had with people, small ways that I’ve helped people, positive qualities about myself, interests that I am passionate about, or times in my life when I felt loved. This practice has helped so that whenever I begin to have negative judgments of myself, I look at my journal and remember that I am unique, valuable, and lovable.
Over time, especially as I have spent time in therapy, I have started focusing on surrounding myself with people who love me, pursuing my passions, and embracing everything that makes me who I am. I still have goals to grow in the areas of my life where I would like to improve, but I am much more patient with myself and accepting of myself than I was before. I am proud of myself for the progress that I have made so far and for the progress that I will continue to make in the future. I am proud of myself for getting through each day. I am learning to embrace the things about myself that I used to be ashamed of, which are actually the things that make me valuable. It is extremely empowering to tell myself that I can be happy and love myself for who I am right now. Pursuing the interests that I am passionate about has also helped me regain confidence because I am doing things that truly make me happy.
It is not always easy to accept and love yourself, and there are days where you might feel like giving up on feeling at peace with yourself, but a huge part of the process is being patient with yourself and giving yourself permission to experience joy. You always have an endless capacity to be loved, to have a positive impact, and to experience happiness.
If you have had that experience of looking in the mirror and only recognizing your negative perceptions of yourself, I promise that is not the real version of you. I know that many of us can be hard on ourselves and judge ourselves for our perceived flaws or mistakes. It is much easier said than done to learn how to embrace the things about ourselves that we view negatively, but it is possible and worth the effort.
You are loved, even during the times when it can feel difficult to believe it. There are people who love you, and there is self-love within you, even if you are having trouble finding it. You have made a positive difference in people’s lives and will continue to have a positive impact on people. Please remember to be patient with yourself and to give yourself permission to take it easy when you need to. You are extremely valuable and worthy of happiness.
If you’re reading this, I love you, and you are completely deserving of self-love.
Sophia L. (she/her), Boston College 2024
AUTHOR CONTACT
This author has opted to allow readers who resonate with their story to contact them. If you would like to speak to the author of this letter about their experience, please use the form below.