During 4Boston’s 2021 Fall Retreat, 4Boston members participated in a letter-writing workshop in which they wrote open letters to the Boston College community. Bellow is a collection of their work and the messages they have to share with you.
If you’re reading this, you are special. You are loved.
It can be hard to be in a place surrounded by a bunch of people like you. Everyone’s the same age, you may be around all the same majors or all the same club members. It can feel like you just blend into the background and no one notices or pays attention to you. But I promise you that’s not true. You are special to so many people. You could have changed someone’s life for the better and not even know it. The little things you do- a smile or holding the door for someone- could have been the world to them on a bad day. There are so many unique qualities that you bring to a group- to BC. And people notice. You just have to open yourself up to see it. You have to know you’re special and great, then you’ll start to see other people reciprocating and you’ll realize that they have always seen you that way. BC can be really tough. It feels as if everyone is competing all the time- competing for better grades, better jobs, cooler friends, etc. It can be exhausting. You just have to try to give yourself a break. Take a step back and see how stupid that weird competition is. College is about enjoying yourself and figuring out who you are and how special you are. I know it is much easier said than done but try to ignore that guy from class begging to know your grade or that girl who makes every night out seem like the best night ever and you were lame to not go (it wasn’t that great). Try taking a moment to figure out what makes you happy. Appreciate how awesome you are, really.
I hope you realize how special you are.
If you’re reading this, it will be okay.
It is so easy in this crazy life for things to become overwhelming. For things to feel so big, and for us to feel so small. Sometimes it feels like there’s never enough hours in the day, or enough strength within us. But we are doing so much better than we think. We must be more kind to ourselves and remember that we’re trying our best. Mistakes and failures and doubts may weigh us down, but we must remember that these things make us grow! We are slowly becoming the best version of ourselves, and we should never rush the process. Things will work out in the end, so we should enjoy the journey- good times and bad- because it’s leading us to the place we need to be. When things are falling apart, remind yourself that you’re on the right track and will make it through. Life is hard, but it is also so amazing if we look at it from the right perspective. Cut yourself some slack, do things that make you happy, be grateful for the joys of life, and be patient when things get tough. There are so many people who love you, so never forget to love yourself too.
If you’re reading this, it’s not too late.
I often feel like I’m stuck on a track towards a single destination and it’s too impossible to turn around or change direction. I keep thinking I missed opportunities that I should have taken, and missed my one chance. That it’s too late to make friends, learn a new skill, try a new class. It makes every decision feel hugely important and no matter what I choose, I always regret my decisions. I think “I should have done __ instead because then today I would be better, healthier, happier…”
The truth is that opportunities for growth and experience and happiness happen everyday. It’s not too late to make friends or change your life. You can transfer schools, change your major, or apply to a new job. You will have time to try the things you want to try. Just because you’re on a different time table than other people doesn’t mean you “missed your chance.” There will always be more chances. Don’t give up and assume your life has to stay the same. It can be terrifying to reach out, be “bad” at something, or start over, but it can open so many doors.
If you’re reading this, you have a voice.
For so long, I thought I didn’t have one. I thought I should just fulfill whatever was expected of me, follow that status quo, and I should be content and happy. I was so used to being the easy one, the child and friend and girlfriend who just went with the flow, even if I didn't agree. Last year, that came to a head. I had such an unshakable anxiety attack that grew from subtle underlying feelings to full-out intrusive thoughts and panic attacks. I cried a lot, and just did not feel like myself at all. I remember seeing a photo of myself laughing really hard when I had a great day with my friends, but I didn’t recognize the girl in the photo. I genuinely didn’t think how I felt at the present moment would ever get back to how I looked in that photo. That was part of my problem- everyone else always thought I was always amazing, being the easy old version of me. Even though I truly was happy in that photo, I have a lot of bad days, doubts, and low confidence about myself. Once anxiety grew and I broke down more often, I gave into my biggest fear- going to therapy. I cannot believe how above it I felt. During my first session, I cried the entire time. I felt such a physical release of the “unworthy” pain I held onto because I thought I had to be perfect. I still do- it takes time! I thought, to be the best version of myself I have to be happy all the time, look confident, not complain, not object to anything. I have felt so lifted by pushing myself to honor myself. You don’t have to totally change everything about your life to be more you. I am still dating my amazing boyfriend, but I stand up for even things like a comment that doesn’t sit right or plans I don’t want to make. Now, I speak my mind around my siblings. I’m not afraid I’ll be told by my therapist I’m doing it all “wrong.” Glennon Doyle wrote in Untamed that no one lives your life, so follow your own voice. Though my inner voice wasn’t kind, I still didn’t have a true identity. Therapy has helped me understand that I am still beautiful when I am anxious. It is okay to seek help. Find your damn voice, and a lot else will be more clear.
If you’re reading this, I totally get it.
I guess you could say that I’ve always had it pretty good. In high school, I was president of my class, captain of the volleyball team, and graduated at the top of my class. I was everyone’s go-to for advice and adults loved me. I always had weekend plans, I exercised, I had it all together. I was perfect, or so it seemed.
Now, I think I was predisposed to anxiety. I was a perfectionist since I could crawl. In 10th grade, my hands started to shake. My baseline was the feeling that “normal” people get before a test, and bursts of anxiety made me sweat and shake. My chest would feel so tight. This sucked to say the least. It still sucks. When I'm feeling anxious, it’s hard for me to get work done. Because I’m the “mom” friend and feel like I need to have it all together all the time, I never gave myself a minute to just stop. It was go go go and the anxiety only got worse.
After some personal hardships- including family issues and a devastating friendship breakup- I started feeling down. I’d go through cycles of being anxious at night, then depressed the next day. It affected my ability to function every day. I was irritable and bounced back and forth from being a workaholic to cope and not being able to get out of bed. I was anxious to fall asleep because I knew I’d have to wake up and push through all over again.
I’ve been talking to my best friends about this and to be honest, the other day it reached a breaking point. She told me to go to the counseling center. I’ve never been anti-therapy; it’s the first thing I suggest to friends and acquaintances who are struggling. But I constantly invalidate myself. “Other people have it way worse. Just pull up your big girl pants. You don’t need help. You're making this all up.”
Finally, though, something clicked. I made my first appointment and I’m going to start therapy in a couple weeks. I did it for my best friend, and I’m doing it for me. And right now, I’m here as that friend for you. Pursue the help. Talk to someone. You deserve it. You are more than worth it. You are loved, and you bring value to this world. Stay here and take a deep breath. It’s time to help yourself.
Members of 4Boston
“4Boston is BC's largest weekly service organization. Volunteers serve four hours each week of the academic year with community partners in the social service, healthcare, or education sectors and engage in one hour of group reflection centered on community, social justice, and spirituality. 4Boston is proud to support the efforts of IfYoureReadingThis to bring attention to vital mental health issues in our community.”
- Ryan Flanigan, 4Boston Community Engagement Coordinator
You can visit 4Boston on the first and second floors of McElroy Commons, on Boston College’s Chestnut Hill campus. Their Main Office is located in McElroy 233, next to the Eagles Nest on McElroy’s second floor.
To learn more about 4Boston, including their retreat programs, visit their website, or read their Weekly Bulletin.
