If you’re reading this, life is too short to fear loving each other.
Life should be full of intentional, unapologetic, and unconditional love both for ourselves and for those close to us. It seems easier said than done, the weight of the words “I love you” lingering on the tongue, and often fighting to stay hidden. Why are these words seen as such a groundbreaking confession? As if being vulnerable enough to allow ourselves to love is a trait we are meant to keep private.
There’s an unspoken rule about time when it comes to loving one another. A rule that seems to be in place only as a formality, not because it should be followed or because it’s backed by evidence. Love has no timeline, our hearts have no ticking clock, and our emotions do not adhere to a chronological measure of our existence. We love when we are meant to, we love who we are meant to, but yet there’s a voice inside our head that tells us to keep that three word phrase to ourselves until the time is right. But who decides when the timing is right? In a world where time is a social construct that defines our aspirations and dreams, there is not enough of it to spend our days worrying about if we should love or not. There is not enough time in this life to dwell on the fear of not being loved back, or not loving enough, because at the end of the day we are capable of loving just as much as we decide to, as long as we are brave enough to take the chance.
I’ve had my own experience with the words “I love you”. A confusing one, characterized by my intentional and constant outward expression of love through hugs, notes, and small gifts for my friends, but also the inability to articulate and communicate love for my family. I have no doubt that the lack of the words “I love you” within my own home shaped my capacity to love. I never felt unloved or unappreciated, always having food on the table, family trips, supporters at my basketball games, yet there was something missing. My parents never ended a conversation on the phone with “bye, I love you” in the way that I have always heard my friends hang up the phone. I had no verbal confirmation of the fact that my parents loved me, which took me a while to come to terms with; that pesky three word phrase that seemed so easy to express for others was practically unheard of in my family.
When I began dating my first long term boyfriend, it made sense that hearing the words “I love you” made me nervous. It was the first expression of outward love that I had begun to receive on a consistent basis, considering the fact that my best friends and I still rarely hugged or verbally expressed our love. My friendships and relationship dynamics had been impacted by a habit I had not even noticed was lacking in my life. Years passed by before I realized that maybe I wasn’t loving in the way I was meant to; outwardly, intentionally, and unapologetically. It wasn’t until I was surrounded by my current college friends that I began to realize that time moves too fast to not tell each other “I love you”. Now, this doesn’t mean that suddenly all hesitancy has evaporated, or that I have absolutely nothing but love for everyone I meet. Sure, there are still situations that make me nervous, or people who I’m not entirely sure are ready to hear those words from me, but I have internalized my own conception of love, and what that means for myself.
I often tell my friends that they can’t extend advice that they wouldn’t apply to themselves. The same idea goes for our love; we can’t expect to love others and their abilities, without accepting and loving all parts of ourselves. Our capacity to love others stems from our ability to love ourselves, in ways that mean celebrating our strengths and challenging our weaknesses. Growth and vulnerability are two of the biggest opportunities in life, so we have to be willing to dive into the unknown if we want to love and be loved. Tell that person you love them, remind your friends that they’re important to you, check up on old friends, share a hug with someone you care about. There is not enough time for us to hold our love back, be afraid to admit how we feel, or make others feel that we don’t love them unconditionally.
I want to be known as the person who loves everyone around them. I want to be the person who looks excited to see you, the person who celebrates your accomplishments and strengths, and the one who makes vulnerability feel safe for anyone. I want to hug, I want to love, I want to feel and spread joy in a way that encourages others to abandon the fear of loving. Time does not wait for you to overcome your fears, we keep moving and we keep growing until we are ready to fully give ourselves over to loving. In whatever way you choose to, just remember to remind yourself and those around you that you love them. And as someone very dear to me once said: if no one has told you yet today, I just want you to know that I love you.
Ana I., Boston College ‘24
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