If you’re reading this, it’s okay to ask for help.
Coming into Duke, I felt invincible. Having graduated high school at the top of my class, adorned in accomplishments, I was ready to move on to college and conquer Duke. Orientation Week made me realize that everyone at Duke was a bigshot, but I felt ready to conquer the academic rigor—or I thought I was ready. Unfortunately, my Chem 101 grade stopped me right in my tracks after my first semester, and I felt paralyzed.
Duke is full of academic powerhouses, from national speech champions to experienced young researchers; it’s easy to see why Duke has the reputation of a top academic school. Once you pull away the curtain and see what goes on in our daily lives, you realize how busy everyone at Duke is and that it can seem hard to keep up. Imposter syndrome is real, and too many Duke students don’t realize it. My friend who was working in a medical research lab their first semester? They rarely slept before 4 am. My classmate scoring A’s on every exam? Felt suffocated from the sheer amount of work and could not find a few hours to take a break for their mental health. My friend who excelled on a dance team? Rarely had time outside of their practice schedule. I’m not saying that juggling a busy schedule and excelling is impossible, but it’s near impossible at a place like Duke.
My saving grace, at least academically, came in the form of my learning consultant at the Academic Resource Center. When I initially met with her, I was skeptical of asking for help. I am proud to say that I could not have been more wrong. She was able to provide a grounding presence in my life, and I felt more at peace in our weekly calls than anywhere else at Duke. If I had not felt desperate enough to even reach out for that initial appointment, who knows where I would be today.
As I have progressed at Duke, I have learned to ask for help in many ways. I emailed my dean when I had surgery. I asked for extensions when I needed to rest and recover and called friends when I needed a ride to an appointment. Even facetime with a friend in the evening was a good stress reliever for me. Help doesn’t have to be a burdensome act. Help can be simple. The most important thing is that you know when you need help and to avoid feeling shame in asking for help.
I often get asked what I wish I could tell myself four years ago, and hands down, I would tell freshman Devan to know that it’s okay to ask for help. I did not escape Duke unscathed, but I will emerge as a person who knows that it’s okay to ask for help.
Devan D., Duke University
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