If you’re reading this, you are not doing anything wrong.
The world is overwhelming and stressful, and when things don’t go right it’s easy to think "what am I doing wrong?"
September 2019. I returned to school to friends who didn’t treat me well. After talking, they didn’t want to try anymore. It hurt – feeling alone in a room of people. I wondered "what am I doing wrong?" I eventually realized I needed to surround myself with people who cared. From then on, I tried getting to know new people, yet it seemed everyone had steady friend groups and I wouldn’t fit in. I had amazing friends, but no matter where I was, I felt I didn’t belong. I wasn’t the person someone turned to when a teacher said to find a partner or in group chats making weekend plans. So, I shifted my mindset– my friend group wouldn’t define me and individual friendships wouldn’t lose value if they were not tied to a social circle. I would reach out to people, say yes to opportunities, and do what made me happy.
March 2020. Things were looking up… until they weren’t. Suddenly, the world shut down. Things I looked forward to were canceled, and I was isolated from friends but grateful for my family. We made the best of quarantine, dressing up to go grocery shopping and listening to podcasts on long walks. When things opened up, everything reverted. I could reach out first, but many friends wouldn’t do the same. It’s hard being a second choice and I wondered "what am I doing wrong?" Again, I realized some things don’t work out. I may not have found my people yet, but I would.
August 2021. I never imagined myself at Michigan, but was ready for new places, opportunities, and people. I was nervous and by no means adjusted easily, but I can confidently say without my roommate and now best friend, my experience would be different. From day one in room 1218 of West Quad, we were on the same wavelength. With similar goals and anxieties, we went through it all together. Making real friends from ground zero showed me I was capable and worthy of good relationships.
February 2022. I couldn’t imagine myself anywhere but Michigan. I’m discovering passions, experiencing life, and making lasting friendships. At times I still feel like I’m on the outs, question if I’m as close to my friends as they are to each other, or wonder "what am I doing wrong?" Then I remember the answer is "nothing." There are people who care about me and while the world is overwhelming and stressful, it's also exciting and inspiring. So, hold on to good moments and happy memories, spend time with people you love, and do what brings you joy. Undeserved obstacles will come, but know you are strong enough to overcome them. We all feel the universe is against us sometimes but I promise if you’re reading this, you are not doing anything wrong.
Emma S., University of Michigan Class of 2024
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