If you’re reading this, just know you are not alone.
Throughout my entire life, I have struggled with OCD, depression, and anxiety. It wasn’t until my sophomore year of high school, however, that I hit my lowest of lows. During this time, I was also losing my hair at a rapid pace. After a few months I was diagnosed with alopecia universalis, an autoimmune disorder that caused me to lose all of my hair. That year my anxiety skyrocketed, my OCD tendencies became unbearable, and my depression went from being occasional to an everyday struggle. While I now know that I was battling these specific mental illnesses, at that point I had never recognized that I needed help nor wanted to express my internal struggles. I felt I needed to seem as strong as possible for my friends and family. I had no idea how to get help or who I should even reach out to. I had never felt so alone.
In high school, appearances and what others think of you is a struggle that everyone faces, and for me, this struggle became deeply personal as I started to lose my hair. A change so large to my physical appearance was unbearable, and caused me to fear losing my personal identity. I didn't want my reputation as the funny, outgoing guy to be replaced by the weird bald person people stare at in the hallway. I didn't want to be one of those people characterized by a particular illness. I didn’t want to be the subject of motivational Facebook posts. I didn't want to be pitied or called inspirational; I just wanted to be normal. My anxiety transformed my once extremely extroverted personality to someone who was nervous to talk to new people. My depression left me spending hours sitting in my bedroom and staring at the ceiling because doing anything else seemed impossible.
In time, I came to accept my new physical identity, but still struggled with fighting an invisible battle mentally. I had created an illusion in my mind that I was alone, that I shouldn’t burden those around me with my struggles, and that I had to put on a mask of strength and humor to let others know I was okay when I really wasn’t. The only people who could see through this facade were my parents. Eventually I opened up to them about the severity of my struggles, and later opened up to my friends as well. Once I began to share honestly, I realized how isolated I had made myself, and that my friends and family not only accepted me, but also shared with me times in their lives when they dealt with similar mental illnesses.
My reason for writing this is not just to share my story, but to show others that oftentimes we make ourselves lonelier than we need to be by forgetting, or not realizing, that there are people who really do care. Everyone, whether they know it or not, knows someone that has struggled with depression, anxiety, or another mental illness. However, a majority of the time we refrain from having an open conversation about it. I had convinced myself that no one cared and I was a burden, when in reality, none of that was true. You are never alone, and you are not the only person who is struggling. Millions of people each day struggle with some form of mental illness, though many face the challenge silently and alone, with no idea of how to get help. While most students are not licensed therapists, the least we can do for each other is listen and care, while letting others know that it's okay to not be okay, and that it can get better.
To this day I still struggle with anxiety, OCD, and depression, but through therapy and the support of friends and family, I am able to manage it better than ever. I still have bad days, especially with the stress of college life, but I have found that facing my struggles and relying on those around me for support helps me get unstuck and I can start to be myself again. If you are struggling with something, my Instagram DMs are always open to talk, and there are a plethora of resources here at Virginia Tech to help you get out of whatever dark place you may be in.
With all the love and support,
Reid B., Virginia Tech
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