If you’re reading this, know that you are enough.
I am so privileged by the love I experience every single day: the smiles on the lawn and the supportive small talk before class. All of it. Yet, most days, I feel utterly inadequate. The people in my life, whose opinions really matter, preach love and affection, while the person inside of me pulses feelings of unworthiness and doubt.
I come from an extended family whose group chat is always buzzing. One with admirable elders who have taught me how to see the world through compassionate, giving eyes, with brothers who have taught me how to take a stand of my own, and with loving parents who empower me to be the best version of myself.
My family also extends far beyond blood relatives. The friends I have found at UVA and the friends who have found me throughout my life make me smile, laugh, and cry all at the same time, for hours on end. I know that I am loved.
Yet, I still feel inadequate. Some days, I wake up with absolutely no love for myself. Viscerally, I feel an emptiness that is longing and reaching for worth but grasps and comes up empty. I know these feelings are illogical, but they cloud everything else, and all I feel is that I am nowhere near enough.
On such days, anxieties of inadequacies fill my brain.
To combat my self-doubt, I must take the time to breathe through these emotions. Then slowly, slowly they start to subside.
It doesn’t make sense. Why do I feel so insufficient when so much love is lifting me up? I have no explanation.
I try to never take my supporters for granted, and I hold my relationships dear. I come from a place of immense privilege; anytime I need anything, I know that I have a shoulder to lean on. I acknowledge and appreciate the time and comfort that those around me share, and deep in my soul, I hear love’s affirmations and know them to be true. Nevertheless, what my heart tells me is so different than what my head says. Most of the time, my anxieties win the debate.
I try to love myself, even the parts of me that don’t love me, but I often come up empty. For now, this is okay. I know that learning to love myself will be a lifelong challenge and journey, one that I can only teach myself.
Anxieties of inadequacy are real, even if they aren’t logical, and self-love is burdensome regardless of where you come from. So, if you’re reading this, try to know that you are enough, even if your anxieties don’t agree.
Clara F., University of Virginia ‘21
This post is a part of a collaboration installment between IfYoureReadingThis.org and the Peer Educators.
Our organizations share the mission of creating a happier and healthier student body, and we encourage you to explore their resources and programs.
The Peer Health Educators (PHEs) are a group of roughly 45 UVA students who are trained to educate their classmates about college health and wellness issues in a positive, interactive, fun, and nonjudgmental manner. PHEs are trained to educate on mental wellness, nutrition, alcohol safety, and sexual health. ADAPT is dedicated to addressing the issues of alcohol and other substance abuse in the University of Virginia community. As peer educators, we promote awareness, provide educational outreach, and serve as accessible resources for our fellow students. The Stall Street Journal empowers UVA students to make healthy choices by correcting misperceptions about health decisions and providing accurate information about staying safe, minimizing health risks, accessing resources, and supporting the UVA community.
If you would like to request an outreach from the PHE or ADAPT, go to tinyurl.com/requestanoutreach and fill out the form. If you would like to talk to a PHE in a one-on-one patient education session about any and all of the above-listed topics, either book a patient education online through healthyhoos.com or walk to the lower level of Student Health.
If you would like to learn more about the Peer Education program or would like to apply, go to our tab in the student health website under “health promotion and wellbeing” > “peer education”. Applications for Fall 2020 are due March 6.