If you’re reading this, the past does not equal the future. Always look forward, not backward.
I grew up in a small town in North Carolina in the 1960’s with four older sisters. I was just happily meandering through life without a real thought about what I would do as an adult until one night in 1972 when my mother had an aneurysm caused by a brain tumor. She had surgery and eventually returned home. But those were dark days, and I felt very alone. Most nights after school we would drive the 45 minutes to the hospital, where I was usually in the waiting room or roaming the hospital. When my mother finally came home after weeks in the hospital, her speech was slurred and her memory greatly damaged - she was not the same. It was very sad and stressful. Eventually, the cancer returned, and she died in July of 1974. I had no idea that was going to happen, and then it was done. I was 15 years old and went to school the next day knowing that Mother was gone forever.
I did not have good guidance counseling in my high school. I think people in our church tried to help me but I pretty much shut everyone out. I talked with my dog Molly more than anyone, she would lick the tears off my face. I would take drives to the Blue Ridge Mountains in the middle of the night to try to cope. My father remarried a woman none of us had ever met a year later. That was very difficult to deal with. I was the only sibling left at home at that time, and I began to turn to alcohol and drugs to ease the pain. I went to Wake Forest University for 1.5 years, but I was in no shape to be in a rigorous school like that. Eventually I quit school and moved away from my hometown. I had about 10 dead end jobs during this period. For many reasons, I am lucky to be alive after those years. I did not attempt to take my own life, but I did many things where that could have been possible. I didn’t really care one way or the other.
I was working as a beer pourer and sandwich maker in Raleigh in 1984 when I got a second job at another deli. There I made friends with the staff, including my future wife. I still don’t understand why, but after months of working there, she finally agreed to go out with me and it changed my life. She was/is smart, funny, artistic and selfless. I was happy for the first time in 12 years. I decided to go back to school at UNC-Greensboro. A new chance, a rebirth! The next few years I went to school full time while working full time loading beer trucks at night. It wasn’t easy, but I was determined. I realized that returning to school, if you went to your classes, and were prepared for your classes, was a LOT easier. I excelled there and was awarded as a Junior Marshall and a Phi Beta Kappa member. I asked Karen to marry me the day I graduated college in December 1989 at age 31, and she said yes.
Although I was happier, things did not come easy for me the next few years. We moved to Syracuse after we married, we both got jobs we hated, and my father died in 1992. Out of necessity, I got a graduate degree, a Masters in Counseling and Development, but really did not get to use what I learned. We moved to Michigan, and I worked in a low paying job at the University of Michigan for several years until being promoted. Eventually, in 1994, we decided to move back south to be near my remaining sisters. I became an Academic Advisor for the new Biomedical Engineering program at Georgia Tech. It was then that I knew this was what I was supposed to do with my life.
I am so lucky to be in my current position, Academic Advising Manager for the Biomedical Engineering program. I have been here 15 years. In my past, I went to college and struggled, then I went to college and excelled. I felt that I could relate to almost all students, those struggling and those achieving. Often, students need what I needed back in the day, someone to listen, someone to draw things out, someone to care. Meeting with students is the best part of my day - I never tire of it. I’m so very proud of all of them for facing the very stressful life at Georgia Tech with such resiliency.
In my life, I have learned that the past does not equal the future.
Always look forward, not backward!
Paul F., Georgia Tech BME Advisor
